'Tis the season to be jolly, overuse mistletoe jokes, drink too much peppermint schnapps and hook up with your former highschool sweetheart. As the holidays approach and we all venture to our various corners of the map to reunite with family, we're also excited to put the HO back in our HOmetowns! There's something about seeing your ex that brings up a few different feelings, either romantic or spiteful. But is it really a good idea to travel down this once very well-traveled road?
You've been in your respective cities, working, playing, studying, whatever. You might still keep in touch with that stud that stole your heart or that girl who let you take her virginity in the back of your mom's suburban. Maybe it's only every few weeks or months that you chat, but both of you know that when everyone gathers at the town bars on the eve of Christmas eve, shit's gonna go down (probably you). You post a Facebook status announcing your arrival back on your old stomping ground and wait for the comments to flood in and your sly ex to send a text message your way.
Why do we let our minds dwell on these people? It didn't work out for a reason. And as you've lived your separate lives, you've both grown up a lot and you've also grown apart. But that doesn't stop anyone from a not-so-secret night of deja vu in your mom's suburban. Here's my take on the two reasons we have holiday hook-ups:
You still have feelings for this person. You might deny they exist because he or she once denied you but that doesn't mean they still aren't there. They were probably your first love and let's face it, your first one is the toughest to get over because as high schoolers we're all convinced that our lives must directly mirror the plot of The Notebook. You'd think by our twenties we'd realize our lives are more like a bootleg version of the American Pie sequel. But alas, there's something about seeing this person that makes your heart race and your voice rise on octave. And that's why you so badly want this holiday hook-up, you're delusional in hoping that this reunion is going to turn into some sort of permanent union between you two. That maybe your ex will finally realize what a catch you are and kick themselves for tossing you back. I've said it once and I'll say it again, getting back together with your ex is like getting food poisoning and then eating the leftovers a few days later. Save yourself the trouble and aim for that younger guy that went to college on a football scholarship and is making eyes at you from the corner. If you really can't resist the ex-temptation, hop into the sack with a "toot it and boot it" mentality. Don't expect a "Merry Christmas babe" text message in a few days and don't you dare send one.
On the flip side, you might just love to hate your ex. They messed with your heart and your head, cheating, lying, making you feel like a crazy person, they did it all. So why are you giddy at the prospect of seeing them this Christmas vacation?
Because you want to show them how much better you are than them. You want to rub in their faces how you've blossomed and become such an amazing person without them. You're excited to back-door brag about all of the great guys you've met and become friends with over the past year. Or casually refer to all of the girls you're dating by first name and bra size. You want to show him what an adderall prescription and gym membership has done for your already rockin' bod. And you want to show her that you finally cut your hair and can grow stubble which helps you "pull mad broads". Given the opportunity, would you slip up? Would you try to sneak your way into their bed to show them all the great moves you've learned, prove that you've been practicing lots since the last time you guys did the no-pants-dance? Well, who am I to stop you? Just recognize that it's love-hate sex, do it ONCE and then move on to bigger and better things, like the aforementioned football player.
Whatever your reason is for holiday hook-ups, enjoy them. Give that fat man a reason to leave you plenty of coal this year.