NEW YORK CITY BLONDE

Friends with benefits are great... in theory.

Let's be real for like a fiver. As a woman, have you ever been able to consistently maintain a friendship with a man, involved sex and not caught some sort of feelings for him? I'm not saying that you're fumbling over your feet and dropping the L-bomb. But can you really say that if you saw him bring another girl home, the ugly jealous green-eyed monster in you wouldn't rear it's head just a little bit?

Of course having a friend with benefits is possible... If it wasn't, there would be a shortage of KY in this country and a lot of bored young women.That being said, you need to choose this partner very carefully. Someone you trust but who's not trustworthy, someone who's careful but isn't always caring and someone you like but could never love. Obviously physical attraction is the most important since that's what the ultimate goal is all about, physicality. 

I received an email asking how you can turn a friendship into a fuckship (I just made that word up, TM). And I don't think that's the way to take care of business. You're obviously already attracted to him on some level other than physical if you've taken a liking to him.

The most important rule of benefiting with friends is, DON'T BE FRIENDS.You should talk and laugh when the time is appropriate but don't get too friendly. Don't inquire about his family or quiz him on his favorite food. You're both there for one reason so leave the chit-chat to a minimum. If you get to know him, the chances of you falling for him increase significantly. If you start to know, you'll start to care and then what happens when he's found somewhere else to eat his midnight-snack? Seriously, it almost works better if you actually hate the person you're sleeping with.

Ever heard of that funny little guy, oxytocin? It's a hormone that's released by the hypothalamus of a woman during childbirth which creates a strong and nurturing bond between a mother and her child. It's also released in a woman during sexual activity, whether it be with a long-term partner or a one-night stand, your body literally tricks your mind into feeling attached to a man. Ever wonder why you couldn't let someone go after a bad-breakup even though you knew they weren't right for you? Oxytocin (amongst other things like not throwing away his old t-shirts and mix tapes). Your brain releases very low levels of oxytocin from just hugging or shaking someone's hand. Imagine how much your brain releases when someone is actually INSIDE of you! Men produce this sneaky little love molecule too but estrogen seems to increase the calming and bonding effects of oxytocin while testosterone seems to mute them. There's that pesky Testosterone again, making men act all macho, tough, and deliciously sculpted and irresistible.


The point is, no matter how much of "bad bitch" you think you are by playing a fun game of toot-it and boot-it, your brain is still telling you he's the one... Don't you wish there were condoms for hearts?

You can read more about the "love molecule" here: "Why Women Feel More Attached Than Men After Sex"

Unfortunately men aren't like computers and we can't Ctrl+Alt+Del their dating history or restart them when they aren't working properly. You can't make him forget his ex and you can't control what girls contact him. If girls are constantly reaching out to him whether it's as a friend or more, like you, they've also realized that he's a catch and that's something to be proud of! Remember, he chose you honey!
We've all been that obsessive girlfriend, stalking the social media accounts of every girl even likes our boyfriend's status. And we've all been that single lady on the prowl, disregarding another girl's feelings. But how do you dismiss these feelings and thoughts that reek of insane jealousy?
First, figure out if this is even an issue between you and your beau. Do you blow things out of proportion in your mind? Or is this a something that genuinely makes you feel uncomfortable?
If you're not just being an insecure control freak (which we all are sometimes, girl don't trip) then the next step is mapping out the relationship your man has with the girl(s) in question. Is this a two-way street? Is he engaging in flirtatious messages with her? Or does he shake it off and respond in a cordial but appropriate manner?
Make sure you're not going to make a mountain out of a molehill if you decide it's something you need to confront. In a mature relationship, you have to address things without crazy eyes, yelling or tears. Be honest with your man, tell him you don't like when he talks to her. If he replies with a mildly sarcastic retort about how you're overreacting and that they're "just friends" then let it go in that moment. If he's belittling your feelings, he might be hiding something. An upstanding guy is going to respect you and be open to a dialogue about how he can prevent making you feel uncomfortable. Wait until there's an occurrence and point out how inappropriate their interaction is.

If you come to the realization that the problem is with yourself. You need to give yourself a big hug and realize what a fucking catch YOU are. Who cares about the girls he's dated in the past? There's a reason that he's no longer with those girls and that he's with you. Let it go, laugh it off and give him one more reason to be with you. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who's insecure and constantly needs reassurance. Stop focusing on how crazy these girls make you and start focusing on how amazing he makes you feel.

Why Women Aren’t Crazy — The Good Men Project

So it's been a rough week. Which I feel like I say every week but this past one was particularly difficult. Aside from working my usual 60 hours and then getting embarrassingly drunk on Saturday, my grandmother also passed away.
I deal with death in a strangely calm manner, maybe that's because that I know they're in a better place now. But the death of "Gramma Syl" was the hardest one I've experienced. You know she was an awesome woman because I share genes with her, so I'll spare you the funny anecdotes.
I would say the hardest part about her death is being so far away from all of my family and having to listen to my mom cry on the phone. Why is it so hard to hear your parents cry? I probably cry to my mom at least once a month, you'd think I could handle having the tables turned. It makes me dread the day that I'll eventually have to watch my mom pass and wonder if I'll have a daughter to lean on.
I've been so career-driven and focused that I've never given motherhood much thought. Probably because I've yet to date a suitable baby daddy candidate. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. Like, I LOVE kids. But I'm the oldest and a very experienced babysitter and I know that children are a ton of work. And I refuse to be one of those moms who lets a nanny raise her kids. My grandmother passing led me to the epiphany that I really do want kids; dirty diapers, awkward middle school pictures, orthodontist appointments, pre-prom lectures, post-party pickups and all. Plus, someone has to carry on my legacy and inherit all of my wealth when I'm gone.
Thankfully I've got a few more years to prepare for that chapter of my life. Obviously I'm not at that point yet but it feels good to gain insight from such an unfortunate event. I only wish that Gramma Syl would have been able to meet my mini-nyc blondes.

Anyways, I'm sure you've had enough of my sentiment for one day. Email me your questions, stories, social security numbers, whatever at meetnycblonde@gmail.com.

Exes... I've been receiving a lot of questions, stories, complaints, death wishes, etc. from followers about their exes.
What makes me such an EXpert? Well my "on again, off again" boyfriend of five years cheated on me for about four of those years. It finally took 3,000 miles, the Pacific Ocean and a lot of tequila to put some distance between us. He set a precedent for how I refuse to ever be treated by a man. What's better is that he taught me how to get over someone while never letting them forget you. It has made moving on from all other exes a little less miserable and a lot more gratifying.

Are you a miserable blubbering fool now that you're ex is gone and you're alone?
Well no one wants to be friends with a wet blanket nor do they want to be in a relationship with one. You really think that crying and sending him love poems is going to make him want you back? I think most men appreciate an independent woman who can do fine just on her own. No one wants to be depended on for happiness, you should possess your own and be able to share it with others. So peel off those dirty Lulu Lemon's and throw on your dancing shoes. Post pictures on Facebook of you enjoying life, having a good time, out with friends, and NOT thinking about him. Nothing will show your ex what he's missing like a girl who knows how to have fun. Trust me, "life of the party" trumps whiny girl posting Disney quotes online.

Wish you could just forget that ex and move on with your life?
Have you broken up with someone who still pesters you by trying to squirm back into your life? I wish I could tell you that it's easy to just move on but it takes a while. They were obviously a large part of your life and those feelings and memories aren't going to erase themselves. Give it time and find security in being single. Then when you're happy and you've got your head on straight, you can dive back into the dating pool. Sometimes it's hard to get someone completely out of your head until you replace them with someone new (and hopefully better!) Until then occupy yourself with more important things; start doing yoga, Pinterest DIYs or spend time with friends (preferably at bars).

Can you be friends with an ex who's in a relationship with someone new?
That depends on your relationship with your ex. Is it strictly platonic? Can you honestly say that something might not happen after a few rounds of beer and some dim lighting? If you're genuinely only interested in friendship then it's absolutely possible. However, there should be a grace period. You can't go from 60 mph: "in love" to 0 mph: "just friends" in too short of a time. If he's already in a new relationship, then you're probably in the clear. Just make sure his new gal pal is cool with you two being buds. There's nothing worse than getting nagging texts from jealous girlfriends on a Thursday afternoon. Be respectful of her and make sure that he's only interested in friendship with you too. Be mindful of the boundaries you have established with him. Avoid intimate settings and flirtatious text messaging, "I mean, that's just like the rules of feminism!"


KEEP YOUR QUESTIONS COMING: MEETNYCBLONDE@GMAIL.COM

There's a reason a crush is called just that. Those damn little butterflies fluttering around your small intestine, crawling up your throat, and into your cheeks where they turn into word vomit.
We've all been there, some of us more than others. How should you act? What should you wear? Should you tell him how you feel? How many hair flips is too many? We're all guilty of it, myself included.


It had been awhile since I've felt those little caterpillars start spinning their cocoons when I got a call from one of my crushes the other day. It never fails when he's around that my normally eloquent tongue seems to stumble over itself as I manage to smile so big that my gums are visible. I just can't help it. No matter what I tell myself, "He's not into you. He's a playboy. He would drive you bonkers. His dick is just TOO big..." nothing seems to help ease the burn of the crush.
So... Do you throw a bandaid on the burn of the crush and ignore it? Or do you tell the crush how you feel, close your eyes and wait for the sting?
These are questions I personally struggle with every time a crush sneaks his way back into my life. If you haven't already guessed, as open as I am about most things, I can be a little guarded sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually a pretty forward young lady when it comes to the fellas... But the status of a crush eclipses that of a typical man and any semblance of normal behavior and rational thoughts are obliterated. If you haven't also guessed, I have a bit of a god complex, I have to be good at whatever I do and I hate rejection. Perhaps that's why crushes transform me from a charming young woman to a walking blonde mop; the fear.

How can one person be so wildly attracted to another person who is so completely unaware? And what sets this person apart from the dozens (yeah, I said dozens) of other suitors knocking on your door? I suppose it depends on what point you're at in your life, which undoubtedly defines what you look for in a mate (but that's a whole nother blog post).
So how does a 23 year old portray or voice such feelings? Circle yes or no seems a little antiquated, a drunken text message is insincere and a face-to-face discussion is terrifying. So what's a girl to do? Or what's a guy to do for that matter? How would you want a crusher to confront you? And if you were the crushee, how would you let someone down?

I'm always demanding you guys go after what you want and make it happen for yourselves... And now here I am, cowering in the corner clad in my Current/Elliott jeans and lips trembling smeared with Dior lip gloss (PS. do men even notice these things?!).

Is it time for NYC Blonde to take her own advice?

Question: If you could go back in time and tell your 20 year old self ANYTHING, what would it be? What would you have changed? Basically let me know what I should (or shouldn't do) in my first year of being 20!

The main difference between me now and 20 year old me is that I'm no longer young enough to know everything. Or at least think that I do.
Let's face it, 20 years old is kind of a rough age. You're finally not a teenager but you're too young to legally drink and go to bars. It's like you're stuck in a limbo, just waiting to get older and be able to have new experiences. But it comes all too soon and before you know it, you're embarrassed to mutter "twenty-three" when asked your age.

The advice I would give myself at 18 years, 20 years and 23 years probably shares the same underlying message, work hard and enjoy yourself. Figure out what you want in life and then stop rushing the growing up part, it's where the mistakes are made and the fun is had.



I seem to drone on about how you should enjoy your youth, have all the fun you can and wait to settle down with one person... But the truth is, how are you supposed to enjoy your life when you have no idea where it's headed? At 20 years old, it's time to re-evaluate where you see yourself heading and what exactly you want to accomplish in the coming years. You've been in college for about two years now so it's time to make a decision, are you happy in your major? Or maybe you skipped college and headed into the workforce. Are you passionate about your field and want to spend the next 30-40 years exploring it? If not, what are you passionate about? Are you good at it and can you make a living from it? You don't have to know the answer to "where will you be in 5 years?" but at least figure out a general area.

Stop doubting yourself and surround yourself with people who won't either. I'd be nowhere without the support of my family and best friends (shout out to you guys, diva crew). We all need someone to call after a bad blackout, discuss a text message response with or cuddle on the couch in front of trashy television. 

Purge yourself of toxic people and stop substituting real relationships for "party friends". This detox goes for men too, I know it's hard to let go of that one guy... The "bad boy"... The one you think is going to change for you... But cut the cord. You don't really want to be with someone who you have to change, right? Don't you want someone who's great just the way he is?



Chances are at 20 years old, you're still figuring out who you are. When I was 20 years old, I had just moved to Manhattan and was figuring out my life plan while trying to master the subway system. If I could tell myself ANYTHING, it would be "STOP SELLING YOURSELF SHORT! You can do whatever you put your mind to and though the future seems scary, you'll figure it out. Work hard, be true to who you are and people will appreciate that. Also, lose the nose ring."