No Molecules Attached

Friends with benefits are great... in theory.

Let's be real for like a fiver. As a woman, have you ever been able to consistently maintain a friendship with a man, involved sex and not caught some sort of feelings for him? I'm not saying that you're fumbling over your feet and dropping the L-bomb. But can you really say that if you saw him bring another girl home, the ugly jealous green-eyed monster in you wouldn't rear it's head just a little bit?

Of course having a friend with benefits is possible... If it wasn't, there would be a shortage of KY in this country and a lot of bored young women.That being said, you need to choose this partner very carefully. Someone you trust but who's not trustworthy, someone who's careful but isn't always caring and someone you like but could never love. Obviously physical attraction is the most important since that's what the ultimate goal is all about, physicality. 

 I received an email asking how you can turn a friendship into a fuckship (I just made that word up, TM). And I don't think that's the way to take care of business. You're obviously already attracted to him on some level other than physical if you've taken a liking to him.

 The most important rule of benefiting with friends is, DON'T BE FRIENDS.You should talk and laugh when the time is appropriate but don't get too friendly. Don't inquire about his family or quiz him on his favorite food. You're both there for one reason so leave the chit-chat to a minimum. If you get to know him, the chances of you falling for him increase significantly. If you start to know, you'll start to care and then what happens when he's found somewhere else to eat his midnight-snack? Seriously, it almost works better if you actually hate the person you're sleeping with.

 Ever heard of that funny little guy, oxytocin? It's a hormone that's released by the hypothalamus of a woman during childbirth which creates a strong and nurturing bond between a mother and her child. It's also released in a woman during sexual activity, whether it be with a long-term partner or a one-night stand, your body literally tricks your mind into feeling attached to a man. Ever wonder why you couldn't let someone go after a bad-breakup even though you knew they weren't right for you? Oxytocin (amongst other things like not throwing away his old t-shirts and mix tapes). Your brain releases very low levels of oxytocin from just hugging or shaking someone's hand. Imagine how much your brain releases when someone is actually INSIDE of you! Men produce this sneaky little love molecule too but estrogen seems to increase the calming and bonding effects of oxytocin while testosterone seems to mute them. There's that pesky Testosterone again, making men act all macho, tough, and deliciously sculpted and irresistible.
The point is, no matter how much of "bad bitch" you think you are by playing a fun game of toot-it and boot-it, your brain is still telling you he's the one... Don't you wish there were condoms for hearts?

 You can read more about the "love molecule" here: "Why Women Feel More Attached Than Men After Sex"

This entry was posted on Monday, November 26, 2012. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response.

Leave a Reply