You could sift through Match.com or eHarmony, swipe your way through Tinder or cruise OkCupid. And you could scowl at the selection of old guys on motorcycles and roll your eyes at that Chili's waiter who won't stop messaging you. But didn't you try online dating because you were sick of all the riff-raff? Cue Sparkology.
Now I know this may be hard to believe but I date quite a bit.There's just something about sitting across the table from a man, smiling coyly as I play with my Sauvignon Blanc that makes me feel good. And this may come as another shock, but I have VERY high standards. So you can imagine the pickle that puts me in. So when I was approached by Sparkology, I did my research and was beyond intrigued.
All the men are verified graduates of top universities? Check. Therefore they must hold good jobs, right? Elite NYC young professionals? Check and check. They have to pay to have a conversation with me?! So they've already spent money on me before our first date? Checkmate, I'm sold.
I signed up and soon received emails from a personal concierge offering to help me with my profile. A great tool if you don't like describing yourself in a boastful but creative way (I had that part handled). Within a day, I had received numerous "sparks" from some very promising young men.
Being that my only digital online match-making service experience had been Tinder, I expected some small talk and a date offer within the first few exchanges. However, the nice thing about this site is that the guys actually care to get to know you (weird, right?). So instead of suffering through a forced meeting with that hottie who turns out can't spell hors d'oeuvres, you can decide beforehand if there's a connection.
Fast forward two weeks.
James was a handsome finance guy who has traveled the world and looks great in a suit-- from what I could tell through his profile. He got my jokes and could tease me just as much as I teased him. It seemed harmless enough so I agreed to drinks one Saturday afternoon. Well one glass of rose, turned into two glasses of rose which turned into a rather giggly midnight dinner at Cafeteria in Chelsea. It's hard to explain why you're drawn to a person. You can say it's because they're funny or they're intelligent but plenty of men possess those qualities. Sometimes you can't verbalize it, sometimes you just feel that spark.
Check out Sparkology here and let me know what you think!
As always, send your questions, feedback or pictures of your shirtless boyfriend holding a puppy to me at email@example.com.
You know he has a girlfriend, he knows you know he has a girlfriend, but it's not like you're really doing anything wrong right? I mean, it's JUST texting. I know you know who I'm talking about, it's that guy who will text you just to see how you're doing, make small talk and flirt. He'll send you pictures of him shirtless in bed but he'll also send you pictures of his adorable golden retriever. It's all completely innocent, right?
Not necessarily. You reciprocate this casual communication because you like the attention. And maybe you like that you're getting this attention over the girlfriend.If I receive a snapchat of a guy's "awesome home cooked meal", I'm like, *BLOCK*, because I don't give a shit about what you're stuffing in your face. But if a guy I'm attracted to sends me a similar picture, I'm all like "HOW CUTE, HE COOKS!" So it this emotional cheating?
Again, not necessarily. You need to evaluate why this guy is so focused on conversing with you. Is he trying to establish a friendship? Is he looking for relief from his crazy emotional roller-coaster of a relationship? Is he trying to line his next victim up after he dumps the current one? Is he just really bored? Is he going to start asking for scandalous photos? Was he not loved enough as a child and now looks for affection from any female form? You may not be able to answer any of these questions because your relationship with him only lives in your phone. Because it's likely that when you see him out, he's usually with his girlzilla and you don't want to expose your little texting tryst.
But if you really like this guy and you know there's a mutual attraction, some proactive thinking might help you out. If you one day hope that he's going to dump his old lady and Cinderella sweep you off your feet then consider the following:
1. If you were his girlfriend, would you feel comfortable with all of this communication?
2. If he's going to text another woman behind his girlfriend's back, what makes you think that he won't do the same thing to you down the road?
3. How do you know he's not currently talking to a plethora of females? How can you be sure you're the only one?
I'm not advising you to cut him off if you really enjoy his virtual company and I'm not telling you to go crazy pointing fingers at him with cheating accusations. Just be aware of the situation and remember who's numero uno. YOU GIRL, YOU'RE NUMERO UNO.
So you met a boy... And that's exactly what he was, just a boy. He was immature, played games, wore stupid t-shirts, couldn't do his own laundry, didn't know how to return a phone call, and had no idea what he was doing when it came to the ladies. But you fell for him anyway.
Chances are that now you're a bit older, much wiser and probably a lot better looking now that you've lost the sorority food induced love handles. So you can keep Internet creeping his new girlfriend and Googling hexes to put on her. Or you can Snapchat him a dirty photo and then text him "OMG sorry wrong person". Or you can sulk around and eat Ben & Jerry's until your roommates intervene. OR YOU CAN MOVE ON.
So what, you fell for a fixer-upper? Believe me, we all have. Now you know exactly what you want in a man which should narrow down your hunt. Get back on that horse girl!
Still convinced you're the best he's ever going to get? Maybe you should SHOW him. My favorite kind of revenge isn't about sneaky ploys and hurtful actions, it's flaunting how much better off you are without him. So girl, you post that Instagram of you on a date with the sexy new guy in your building who barely speaks English and you tweet about giving your number out to too many guys on Friday night. You might have to fake it til you make it but trust me, putting yourself out there will definitely help you make it.
1. MARA HOFFMAN
Someone buy me everything Mara?
I cannot stop eating fresh coconut.
I'm a sucker for a wide legged jumpsuit. Plus, it's always nice to have to take off your entire outfit just to go to the bathroom.
4. BLONDE LASAGNA
Such an amazing artist-- make sure to visit her Etsy shop too.
5. MIRRORED AVIATORS
A summer staple.
6. EASY TIGER'S VINE
I couldn't like this guy more if I tried.
7. JON HAMM'S WANG TUMBLR
Is an explanation necessary?
8. SASSY TEE SHIRTS
Because people shouldn't assume you're a bitch. They should know.
9. BIKRAM YOGA
90 minutes in a billion degree room with other sweaty people-- what's not to love?
10. TOM FORD'S NEROLI PORTOFINO
Floral but a bit musky-- obsessed.
BONUS. TURNING 24
Getting old is so fun.